i’m sitting at my desk at work wondering how in the hell i ended up here. a year ago today i walked into this office full of hope, feeling free and rightous, ready to make a difference in the world…okay maybe not all those things, or any for that matter, but i walked in here ready to start a new part of my life. along the way i made new friends, tried new things and generally broadened my horizons. but here i am a year later, to date, and can’t think of anything else i would rather do than quit.
it isn’t that i don’t like the work i do. i love working with people, it’s my thing, but i can’t stand some of the politics in the organization. this whole passive aggressive style to supervisor-employee relations is BS. just say what’s on your mind. stop with the emails and the encouraging paragraph followed by something negative and ended on a high note. that’s bull and all it does is make me want to curse you out. i’m not a toddler, i cam capable of conversation, try having one and you’ll see. but no. that’s not even an option.
there are people that work here that i would truly miss and am gratelful to have met. but how can i stay somewhere if i am so unhappy. the majority of my time is spent in a room my co-workers have coined the “bomb shelter”. the frustration building inside of me is two-fold. on one hand it’s the fact that i honestly don’t want to quit, it’s irresponsible for me to do so, my building’s and the people that i help day in and day out would be left out to dry, and i would be bored at home with nothing to do. on the other hand, how would i pay my bills, which are adult sized, or do anything since EVERYTHING in this world costs money. i considered asking to be laid off but is that really what i want?
you know those state farm adds where the people are like “just got married, have a new house, need a car” and the a red circle forms under them and then Dennis Haysbert says “you are here” (or maybe its the voiceover that says it). either way i feel like i have a giant red circle under my feet with a voiceover saying “you are here”. ok i got that…now what?
